As with a cheerleader, everyone, and I mean everyone, needs to have an ass-kicker in their life!
The Ass-Kicker is that rare and special individual who is able to kick you in the ass as hard as ever and YOU say, “Thank you sir (or ma’am) may I have another, please!”
Ass-Kickers knock you upside of your head with the most insightful and genuine verbal picture of the true ugliness of our behaviors and we actually enjoy it. We live for it. We want it. God, they are good.
When you have someone like this in your life, you have the benefit of hearing first hand, without someone’s agenda, how your actions impact others. Many of us who grieve must deal with people in our lives that kick us in the ass not for our benefit; rather for their own benefit. Those who attempt to kick us in the ass for their benefit are manipulative people who care only about themselves. Get rid of these people immediately.
On the other hand, those who kick us in the ass because their only agenda is to see us heal and want to truly provide authentic and genuine feedback are the people you need to keep around and listen to each and every day of your healing process.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, needs to have a cheerleader in their life!
A Cheerleader: that one individual in your life who truly believes that you can do no wrong; that one person who, no matter what you do, is always supportive, encouraging and in your corner ready to keep you from throwing in the towel.
Healing is a tough business. You are going to get knocked around and down so often you will at times feel as though it is better to stay down and die than to rise and attempt to fight another day. There is nothing more inspiring than someone in your life who truly cheers for you. Waves YOUR freak flag and shouts YOUR name.
A cheerleader does not judge, instruct, give advice or even attempt to do things for you. Nope. The cheerleader encourages with words and random acts of kindness like a cup of coffee when needed or a lunch invitation. They don’t solve your problems or even tell you that you have problems. They simple love: unconditionally.
That, my friends, is a rare, rare person and if you are ever so fortunate to have a cheerleader in your life HOLD ON TO THAT PERSON. Then again, a true cheerleader will understand when you are cranky or blast a “grief outburst” in their direction. They don’t care. Because they love you no matter what.
At the end of the day, the only person who can actually help you heal from the crises or life storms that have entered your life, wrecked havoc and then moved on,is:
During the onset of a life storm or shortly thereafter the people in your life will gather around you, offer support and encouragement, THEN they eventually get back to their primary job: running their own lives.
When that happens, you need to get down to the business of creating and managing your personalized healing plan.
No one knows what you need to mend and heal from those life storms that destroyed your life except for you. Your personality, temperament and life story are unique to you and thus you are the only one who truly understands what it is going to take to help you clean-up the debris of the life mend what has been broken by the storm and move in new directions away from the storm’s epicenter.
My wife and I suffered through the exact same crises. However, we are two unique individuals with different likes, dislikes, needs, wants and talents different personalities, temperaments and Life stories prior to the life storms hitting our joined lives. There is no way the two of us can grieve (a.k.a. heal) identically. I need to do my healing and she her healing.