First of all, let’s clear one thing up:
I don’t know any person living on this rock who has NEVER, EVER been a pissed-off, angry person.
Comes with the territory of being human.
So, let yourself off the hook, don’t worry about whether or not you are an or are not an angry person.
You are HUMAN. And thus you will act in angry, frustrated, annoyed, piss-ed off ways from time to time.
I created Toilet Therapy: Healing Anger because I believe, with ever fiber of my being, that if YOU, me, our friends and family:
- heal what HURTS and
- manages what SCARES (the shit out of us)
we all can reduce and, dare I even say it, eliminate the NEGATIVE OUTCOMES that occur as a result of anger behaviors.
Notice, I did not say, eliminate and/or reduce ANGER behaviors.
I said, eliminate and/or reduce the negative outcomes of your anger behaviors.
You eliminate ANGER behaviors when you die.
And Anger is NOT the enemy.
Anger is natural.
Anger can be the easiest or most familiar way we get our needs met; which is why you and I return to anger over and over again.
Powering up. Forcing the issue. Going for what you want no matter the damage caused is part of the American-Male culture and narrative. We learn it early. We use it. We are allowed to continue to use it by people in our world who don’t know how to or fear trying to stop us from bullying our way through life. So we do. Until we destroy our world or we are destroyed by someone bigger, more powerful . Then, it is too late.
When we use anger behaviors, we get what we want, or so we think that we are getting or going to get what we want. Sometimes anger behaviors work – yet at what cost? Marriage? Children? Job? Friends? One must ask one’s self, “What am I willing to pay to get what I want?”
Sometimes it all blows up in our face, thanks to our anger behaviors, and we end up in the back of a squad car, in the ER with injuries and awaiting an assessment for possible hospitalization, divorce court, meeting with child protective services, being escorted to the human resources office and you see your boss holding a box and two security guards staring you down or a host of other outcomes that you, I and no one wants in their life.
The goal here is to lead a life that FOR YOU is healthy, effective, and enjoyable, as well as a whole lot of fun. Gotta have fun.
Using satire, parody, common sense, my master’s level counseling psychology education, and my own experiences with anger, I will teach you that anger, a set of behavior, is fueled by automatic emotions and physical sensations that are driven by your thoughts, perceptions, imagination and other mind-power skills such as memory recall. Those emotions and physical sensations are then expressed and expelled from our souls and bodies through behaviors. Some of those behaviors are called “anger.” Behaviors such as yelling, kicking, fighting, drinking, drugging, stealing, cheating and so on.
When we think, interpret, imagine, remember and consider (are there any more synonyms for “thinking” that I can use?), we feel.
We experience emotional response. We may experience a sense of being: happy, sad or scared.
For me, I like to keep things SIMPLE. There are three primary emotions; like the three primary colors. Those primary emotions are happy, sad and scared. As with the three primary colors, when you mix yellow and blue you get….green or lime or turquoise. All depends on how much yellow or blue you add to the mix. Whey you mix happy and scared, your get….excited or thrilled or overwhelmed. All depends on how much happy and scared to add to the mix. Too much scared and we may act in an angry way. We may called it frustrated or annoyed or “freaked out.”
Emotion is dependent on thinking.
Emotion is generated by our cognitive processing.
On some occasions, our reptilian brain, the most basic and primal element of our brain, takes over and we feel, we experience emotions without even being aware that we are thinking. And often our behaviors are reviewed as a reflex, as a behavioral that has a mind of its own. When anger behaviors are triggered by thinking that is so subtle that we are often unaware of our cognitive process, the thinking-feeling-acting chain of events can be difficult to modify.
Not impossible. Difficult yes. And I will address how we change the thoughts of which we are often not even aware.
Other times, we are fully aware of how our imagination, memory recall or just plain, old fashioned interpretation skills lead to unwanted and undesired thoughts. And how those thoughts about us, others and the world in which we live drive unwanted and undesired emotions. And how those emotions drive us to do things we’d rather not do. Altering this thinking-feeling-acting process is about us having the courage to make changes to how we choose to think and act when we find ourselves in a given situation.
We do nave control.
We can modify how we think and we can choose different behavioral expressions.
Sit back, take notes, and learn how that works.